


Remember Me

by cringingbclarry



Category: One Direction, One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 21:36:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cringingbclarry/pseuds/cringingbclarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles is in love. It’s not the fairy tale kind of love when your prince comes on a horse and saves you. It’s the kind of love that hurts. Its the love that slowly eats you alive. Its the love that he can’t control. Its the love that breaks you.. until you are finally broken. </p><p>(Keep in mind this is journal format.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I’m not going to put “dear diary” or anything like that at the beginning of these entries. I’m already being a little prick by writing this shit out anyway. What even gave me the idea to start writing anyway? It’s fucking dumb, and meaningless. But it’s better than having no one listen. It’s not that no one wants to listen. It’s the fact that I refuse to seek anyone out.

All these thoughts are clouding my mind. They’re basically fucking carved into my heart. My mind eats me alive. Every time I look in the mirror, I see another flaw. Flaw, after flaw. My insecurities are eating my from the inside out and I don’t know how to handle it anymore. I’m bulimic. Yup, the womanizer Harry Styles makes himself throw up when someone calls him perfect. Am I still perfect when I’m making myself throw up?

Every time someone gives me a compliment, I add one cut added to the long line of them on my arms. Some right where my veins are. All those bracelets I wear? They’re just so that the little fucker fans will not find out. Don’t get me wrong. I love every thing that they do for the band and I. The only problem is that I literally cannot fucking do anything without 30 random stories being printed about me. If they found out that I cut, I would be in deep trouble. The boys would fucking kill me, management would try to protect my reputation, and my mom would slap the shit out of me.

One time, I went out to get some food. I was walking down the street and realized that I accidentally left my bracelets at home. So there I was; walking down the streets of London at 2 in the morning with my arms just out for display. Cuts everywhere, just showing off to the world. If it weren’t so late, I would have ran back home and cut even more for being such an idiot. Although, it was so late at night and dark outside that I basically just said, “Fuck it.” I was starving to death anyway. The store wasn’t really far from my flat so I just kept walking. I got some chips and orange juice and started jogging back to my flat. Then I hear screaming. It was non other than a fucking fan girl. Her shirt said, “Future Mrs. Styles.” Great. She was what the fandom referred to as a “Harry girl.” Meaning that her favorite member was me and that she basically worshipped the ground that I walk on. She was fit, so instead of jogging away I decided to stop and talk to her for a little. She was a fan anyway. They all deserve to be respected, no matter how insane they can be. She had the shirt on, white shorts, converse, and her hair was in a ponytail. She had big brown eyes and a lot of makeup. We took a picture and then he hugged me. The girl was just about to pull away until she saw my cuts. My fucking cuts. Guess what I had to do to tell her not to tell? We went into some alley, and I had to make out with her for like, an hour. She was fucking terrible at kissing too. She tasted like cheap alcohol and cigarettes. I guessed that she came from some lame party. I went home and cut. That was about seven months ago. So, the girl kept her promise. Ever since then, I have never forgot to wear my bracelets ever again. In interviews people always ask why I wear them. I said it’s because they’re my style.

Then when I go home and get on twitter, what do I see? “#HarryStyleshasStyle” Who comes up with these trending topics? Shit, I wrote a lot. I guess I’ve been meaning to tell someone that story. The moral is that every time someone compliments me, I hurt myself. I deserve it anyway. Right? I mean, if I don’t give myself what I deserve, who will? I am one extremely fucked up guy. Everything I wrote was so random and out of the blue. This is more like a rant I’ve been holding in. Anyway, I need to stop writing now. The boys will probably coming back from a night out drinking with their girlfriends.

Zayn with Perrie.

Liam with Danielle.

Niall with some girl he met a couple months ago.

Louis with Eleanor.

… Louis with Eleanor.

Harry closed his journal and tried to fight back the tears. He wanted to drift off to sleep but he couldn’t. Not when that subject was in his head. He sighed and got off his bed. He walked over to the bathroom. Inside a cabinet was his rock. The only thing that makes him feel better when he felt like no one else was there.

He took out his razor and began to carve long lines into his skin, his tears streaming down his face and falling onto the newly opened cuts.


	2. Chapter 2

He picked up the lighter and stared at it. The tiny flame represents all his pain and suffering. That flame could hurt anything. It can be thrown onto an object and make it burn into the ground, leaving only ashes in its place. The flame can make things turn into memories.

The curly haired boy took a paperclip and held it above the fire. He shivered and looked around, for it was a cold night out in London and a jacket did not seem top priority as he left hurried out of his flat. His eyes went back to the small flame that was starting to burn the hot metal. He waited a few more seconds before slowly turning off the lighter and setting it down to his right. The boy lifted up his shirt and pressed the now burning paperclip to his hipbone. He smiled at the pain that he was inflicting on himself, until it went cold. The mark of the paperclip was imprinted on the spot he lifted it from. His actions repeated until burn marks scattered his waist.

I had sex with Carolyn Flack. Great way to start off a sorta journal entry, right? Well yeah. Management was been wanting me to get with a girl for months now. (They really don’t fucking care about my well-being, or the boys. All they want is to turn our pretty little faces and vocal abilities into cold hard cash.) Anyway, the band was invited to go to a party after a concert. We went of course. There were many familiar faces at the party. Many people had dates, actually. The boys had their girlfriends. Due to my lack of lover, I was forced to show up single. It’s not that it phases me, really. Management just gets annoyed with me when I do not live up to my “womanizer” reputation. Since I didn’t really have much to do, I ended up going to the bar and get a “few” drinks. 3 shots later, I looked around to see what the boys were doing. Zayn was dancing with Perrie, he looks kinda unhappy. I thought that maybe they got into an argument or something. Niall and his girlfriend, (I really need to learn her name soon) were happily chatting. Liam and Danielle were having sex with clothes on. I didn’t even bother looking for Louis. It would just cause too much pain. It would result in me having to urge to grab a razor or a lighter or something. Or I’d do that new thing I read on the internet. I could grab a glass with water and salt, mix it, and pour it on my open cuts? Can you just imagine how that must feel? Its something I can do in public too. Pretend that I’m going to drink it, and it falls onto my arms. Ooops.

Man. I really went off topic, didn’t I? After I looked for the boys, a pretty girl came up to me and started flirting. I recognized her as the infamous “Carolyn Flack” The woman with pretty good boobs, great ass, flat stomach. She was pretty fit. There she was: whispering some things in my eye about “seductive curls” and “body to die for.” Then she did it. Put her newly polished hand right on top of my dick, and squeezed. Her type doesn’t really interest me, but its not like I had anything better to do, y’know? There was a shit load of alchohol in me, and I felt like I wanted to fucking someone, so why not her? It’s not like it would mean anything. Just pointless sex. I took her hand, lead her to a room, shoved my dick in her a couple times and it was over. Just like that. My clothes were on and I was walking out the door right as she stepped out of bed. As I left I felt her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head.

Theres something that I really wanna write in here. I’ve been hiding it for a really long time and I need to tell someone. I’ll put it in my next entry though. I’ve written too much today.

Fucking shit, I sound like a 13 year old girl.. oh well.

Harry looked down at his scars and sighed. Each was a reminder of how messed up he is. Each mark represents a situation that he couldn’t handle himself, so he hurt himself, instead of fixing himself. The funny thing is that they all revolve around one person..


	3. Chapter 3

On his kitchen table, Harry made two neat lines. He was using one of his credit cards to make two neat lines, as thick as a straw, and as long as a pen lid. He tightly rolled up a 20 dollar bill. It was a classic thing he did. He took out the largest bill in his wallet and used it. He held one of his nostrils closed and put his head down by one of the openings in the 20. Slowly, he breathed in, sending white power into his nose. He was carefully breathing through his mouth as he did it. He repeated and repeated and until all of it was gone.

He lay down in the middle of the living room, staring at the roof.

Every time he did that, he felt a rush. He felt like he did something really bad, and that he deserved it. He didn’t do that because it pleased him. He did it because it makes him sick, and that’s what he thinks he deserves.

He doesn’t deserve to be happy.

Not when he has that one secret that was slowly killing him.

“““““

I’m just going to be very blunt about what I’m about to say.

I am in love with Louis. Yes, my band mate Louis. The Louis with the feather brown hair, blue eyes, little body, everything. Everything about him is just perfect and it upsets me. I’m not supposed to like boys. I’m in a world famous boy band, god dammit. What if he found out that I like him? What if the media somehow finds out? This has literally been eating me alive for the longest time. If anyone ever finds out, my reputation will shatter. Harry Styles won’t be the womanizer he’s meant out to be. I will just be the gay one out of a boy band that supposedly had none.

What would Louis say? Would he be okay with me liking him like I do? It’s actually not even like. I am in love with the kid. He’s not even a kid. He’s older than be. Technically by three years, but I say two. He was born Christmas Eve, which is at the end of the year. I was born in February, which is at the beginning. So it’s actually two… In my head. But if you have not realized, everything is pretty fucked up in my head.

What would Liam, Niall, and Zayn say?

Liam would probably understand. He would say that he has realized the way I look at Louis or something like that. He would also go all “Daddy Direction” on me and tell me what no one needs to find out besides us five because it will cause trouble. 

Niall would be the little care free Irish motherfucker that he is and just say that we should totally date and make everything awkward for me.

Zayn would probably tell me a whole bunch of quotes that make no sense to me whatsoever.

Louis would.. I don’t know. I’m not sure if he would be okay with it or what? I know that he would never like me back. He isn’t like that. He’s dating the “beautiful” Eleanor Calderanyway. Sure, management put them together, but he still likes her. He tells me he likes her. Sometimes a little too much.

I just.. I can’t deal with it.

I cut, I bulge, I do drugs, I just fucked up my life because I have a rush on a male and I’m a male. I was raised to like people for who they are, not who they like. Although… I never thought a man was attractive. I never thought that I’d like shoving my dick inside of a guy. Or having a guy shove his dick in me.

It’s just fucking weird. I wanna do things to Louis that I’ve never even thought about before.

I just want to kiss those beautiful soft lips, and run my fingers through his hair, and then explore his body, and kiss down from his neck to hi- okay I need to stop.

I feel like I’m writing porn or something. Like those fans do.

(I have to admit though. Sometimes when I feel like having a wank, I look up “Larry Stylinson smut” on tumblr and use that to fulfill my fantasies. I am a man of many kinks.)

How do I keep getting off topic? Anyway, I just love Louis so much. I just wish that I would be able to tell him that. Everything about him is just so perfect and we’re compatible. If he looked away from Eleanor for two seconds he would realize that we are a million times better for each other than they are. I really don’t even understand why I turned to doing horrible things to myself just because of this. All I wanna do is forget, I just wanna forget.

I love him so much.. I love him so much.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey Louis?” Harry asked.

“Yeah?”

“Wait. Never mind. It’s stupid. Ignore me.” Harry frantically said.

“No. Tell me Harry.” Louis looked up from twitter to look at the younger boy who was perched beside him, reading a book. He could already tell something was wrong with the curly haired boy when he walked in with a novel. Harry doesn’t read. He thought it was a waste of time and that there are better things to do with his time than sit around and read stories that are usually too good to be true.

Harry pouted. “You’re going to think I’m weird for asking…”

“I already think you’re insane. I really don’t think that I’m going to freak out over a little question.” Louis retorted.

“Promise?”

“Hurry up and tell me, Harold.” Louis snapped. He hated when Harry got like this. He would blabber on and say everything that he could possibly think of just so they could avoid the topic and talk about something else. It wasn’t happening this time. Louis wanted to know what had his Harry so worked up.

“First off, don’t call me Harold.” Harry said.

“Harry. Tell me now.” Louis said sternly.

Harry sighed and shifted himself so that he was facing Louis. His green eyes met blue and he swore the both of them could hear how fast his heart was beating.

“What do you think about… gays?” Harry asked, looking at the floor.

“I don’t mind them.” The older boy stated.

Harry looked up at Louis with wide eyes. “What do you mean? You don’t think that they’re a disgrace to society or something like that?”

“Harry, are you feeling alright? I am never going to judge anyone on what sex they are and who they like. Love is love. A man can be with a man, a woman can be with a woman, and a man can be with a woman, and I will not care. As long as the person is happy; that’s all that matters. Whoever doesn’t agree with the facts that love is love loses all respect I have ever had for them.”

Through that whole conversation, Harry was having a battle with himself. Right then and there. He was debating whether or not to tell Louis that he had a crush on a male. That male, of course was Louis himself. The curly haired boy pressed down on his wrist that was covered by the long sleeves of the shirt he was wearing. He was getting the biggest urge to just cut, or drink, or smoke, or snort. Just something… anything to calm his nerves.

“Oh, well that’s great Lou Lou.” Harry said, faking a smile like he always did. It kind of came naturally now.

“Mhmm.” Louis said and returned back to replying to fans on twitter.

Harry closed his eyes, and before he knew it, he drifted off to sleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Harry’s eyes shot open and his heart was beating. He looked around the room to see what alerted him from his nap. Louis was on the other side of the room, hands in hair, with a frustrated look plastered on his face. He was looking down at his phone that he laid down on top of the piano.

“These people are so fucking annoying!” He screamed.

Harry jumped up and went over to Louis, panicking. Did fans upset him again? What did they trend this time? What did they say? He reached over and tried to pull Louis into a hug but was blocked.

“Don’t touch me Harry!” Louis screamed at him.

Harry was appalled. Louis never pushed him away. All he was trying to do was give the older boy a hug because he was troubled. What was wrong with that? Their relationship consisted of being touchy feely and lovey dovey. How do you think Harry fell in love? For Louis to be pushing him away, something really bad must have happened.

The curly haired boy backed up mouth agape. He snapped back into reality when Louis leaned over his phone and screamed again.

“Lou, what happened!?”

“I’m fucking sick of these little cunts thinking that you and I are gay and dating. It’s so fucking annoying! Every time I go to my mentions, I see someone asking about Larry. Saying that we had a lot of Larry moment on the red carpet, or in an interview, during a concert, when we went to get fucking coffee. I have a girlfriend, Harry. I’m straight. You’re straight. We have told them a million times and they don’t fucking process it. I don’t know if all our fans are fucking idiots or what. This one girl tweeted “Funny how no matter what they won’t deny Larry” and I tweeted back and said, “Larry is the biggest load of bullshit ha :) x” These ‘Larry shippers’ need to fucking back up, and leave me alone. I don’t love you god dammit!” Louis screamed. His face was bright red and he was using gestures through the whole rant. His breathing was rough and he looked like he was about to explode.

As soon as Louis got done ranting, Harry could swear that he heard his heart breaking into a million pieces. Tears were forming in his eyes just as he grabbed his coat, his backpack, and ran out of the room. He didn’t mind that Louis denied Larry. Management was making him do it anyway. He was pretty used to it. He did not care that Louis was calling all the fans bad names. Okay, maybe that kind of was a big deal, but he looked past it for now. The part that stung was when Louis said he didn’t love him. 

“Of course he doesn’t love me.” Harry thought to himself. “Why would he love me? I don’t even love myself.”

If Louis did not want him, and Harry didn’t want himself, then why would anyone else?

If no one wanted Harry, he’d leave.

He’d leave forever.


	5. Chapter 5

I’ve only had this journal for a really short period of time. A couple weeks, around two months. I don’t know… it’s something like that. The purpose of this was to write down all my thoughts and rants and basically everything that’s been eating me alive. This was never meant to go public. It was simply something for me to use to calm myself. This will be my last entry. Right after I finish this, I’m leaving. I’m leaving everything.

This last entry here, will by my suicide letter.

This has been building up, and building up, and it’s finally time.

Mum: I’m really sorry that you have to find out this way. I never told you that I was in love with Louis… I knew that you could tell, mum. You have enough on your plate to worry about. Finding out I am like this would just be another bother. I’m sorry. I love you. Do me a favor and tell Gemma I love her too.

Zayn: I hope you and Liam have a great relationship. I want the both of you to love each other for the rest of your lives. You’re perfect for each other in every way possible. I bet you’re wondering how I found out about you two? Well, besides the fact that I caught you two snogging backstage countless times, I could tell by the way that you two look at each other. No matter how much I asked you, and you denied, in my head, I always knew that you were in love with him. Listen Zayn, Liam isn’t like the rest of us. He’s really sensitive. He isn’t like Niall, who gives his heart out easily. If Liam trusted you to be in a relationship with him, that means that he really loves you. Especially since you are “dating” Perrie and he’s dating Danielle. You were always the one I would come to when I was having troubles. You helped me so much and I honestly can’t thank you enough. It was an honor to be in the band with you, really. I’m sorry that it had to end this way. I’m just so broken and I really don’t think I can be fixed. I can get better, I know I can. The problem is that I love him too much, and I can’t bear it. I’ll miss you Zaynie. I love you. xx

Liam: I’m guessing that you’ve just finished reading what I wrote to Zayn. I can imagine the blush on your face right now (and tears…), I’m really gonna miss it. I’m gonna miss saying sexual things to you or messing with you just to see your face flush. So, I know that you and Zayn are secretly in a relationship and I don’t want you being ashamed or embarrassed at all. Deny it all you want LeeLee. I know that somewhere in you, you don’t think that you should be with Zayn because the two of you are male. Liam, Zayn looks at you with such compassion and love that it physically makes me hurt. I have seen the way that the two of you look at each other. It reminds me of the way that I look at Louis… but that’s one way. Okay, I’m not going into that yet. I’m just ranting now. I have one thing to say to you, Liam. Zayn is a keeper. Look into your heart and think before you do something you don’t want to do. I know you’ll make the right choice. I’m really going to miss you. Being in the band with someone so wise but utterly adorable was a great experience. Besides Niall, I know that you’re going to be the most affected by my suicide. You’re going to blame it on yourself and say that you saw signs but you decided to ignore them. I know that you’ve seen signs before… I know that you decided not to do anything about it. You simply thought you were over reacting like you always do. This isn’t your fault, this isn’t your fault, this isn’t your fault. I’m going to miss you Liam. Goodbye. I love you. xx

Niall: I know for a fact that you are going to be devastated more than anyone else. Your Irish laugh and charm are going to be replaced with dread and tears. Niall, you don’t understand how much this is hurting me just thinking about upsetting you. You’re such a fragile little snowflake. (Wow that was the most dramatic and cheesy thing I have ever said.) Did I make you smile? I get off topic a lot when it comes to writing. I won’t ever forget the time when we went to the bar and both of us got really fucking drunk and walked home attempting to sing show tunes. I slept over at your flat and the next morning we were half sleeping, half throwing up in your bathroom. I bet you didn’t know that throwing up was actually something I did a lot, did you? I know that you have always been a big supporter of Larry Sylinson and everything like that. You always knew that I had feelings for Louis. Besides those fans that “ship” us, it was always you who could see through my smile and laugh and tell that something was wrong. You asked me about it a couple times and I always blew you off saying that I was fine. As you can tell, I’m not. Reading through my journal here must have really killed you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be strong. I’m sorry that you have to go through the “pain” of losing me. Goodbye Niall. I love you. Xx

Louis: I’m not even sure if you’ll read this… knowing the truth. Knowing my feelings for you. I saved yours for last because this would be the hardest to write. By now, you should know that I am completely in love with you. Telling you that I love you would mean letting our friendship crumble. That was something that I couldn’t let happen. “Larry shippers” always annoyed you but they were one of the only things that was giving me hope to keep living. They could always tell when I gave you heart eyes, or whatever. They would always analyze everything and most of the time… they were right. All those times we pretended to do sexual things in stage or kiss or whatever, they were always real on my part. When you said that you don’t love me, I broke. For two years, I have been sitting around pretending that I liked girls and that Larry isn’t real. I love you Louis. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. I love you so much that it’s honestly starting to kill me. You said that you don’t love me. To my face. Do you understand how much that killed me? Everything was being held together and then you said that and I completely broke. I hope that you and Eleanor have a wonderful future. Even if I want you, I want you to be happy. I want you to smile and have kids. I only have one request for you, never forget about me Louis. I don’t want you mourning for eternity or anything like that. I simply want you to remember that even when I end this all… I will always love you. Please, just remember me.

Well, I guess this is the end.

I’ve been breaking for a long time, and I’m finally broken.

Time to end it all. 

Goodbye.xx

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Harry closed his journal and put it on the floor right next to him.

Around him, he had numerous bottles of different kinds of pills. They were all pretty different. The range was from depression pills, to happy pills, to prescription pills. With a gallon of water to help, he swallowed every single pill that he had acquired. He could feel them buzzing in his stomach, slowly killing him. He planned it out carefully and swallowed sleeping pills before anything else. His guess was that they would put him out of his misery if he took them before anything else. It gave them time to sink in.

He heard footsteps in the distance but the buzzing in his ears drowned out the noise. The boy looked at his journal and smiled.

With the smirk left on his face, the curly haired boy leaned back and let his eyes shut.

Just as he did, the ringing in his ears stopped. His heart seized, and his eyes would never open again.


	6. Chapter 6

Louis walked in the door still fuming. The whole twitter drama got him really worked up and he took it out on Harry. Right after the curly haired boy ran out, he went out to go see Liam and see what he was up too. He explained everything that happened to him and Liam gave him advice. Screaming at Harry and acting like it was his fault was a childish thing to do. He needed to go back to their shared flat and apologize for being a downright dick about the whole situation. Keeping that in mind, he spent the night at Liam’s flat so he would not go off on Harry again. For good measure, he turned off his phone so he wouldn’t be tempted to go back on twitter and see if everyone was still talking about how he went off on them.

~ One day later ~

Louis was walking the short walk from Liams flat to the one he shared with Harry. The boy didn’t know what to expect. Would Harry forgive him? Would he hold a grudge? Would he not want Louis to be in his life anymore? He didn’t mean anything he said to Harry. The curly haired boy was one of the most important people in his life. He would never purposely hurt him. He was just so worked up yesterday…

He took out a key and opened the door. Louis took a deep breath. This was the time to apologize to Harry; and maybe attempt to cook him a little meal and watch a movie. 

“Harry?” Louis called as he stepped in the flat. He removed his shoes and listened for a response.

When he didn’t get one, he called Harrys name out a couple more times. “Maybe he’s just not responding because he’s pissed at me. I really fucked up this time.” Louis thought to himself. He walked into the living room and didn’t see the younger boy anywhere. He even checked his bedroom. Finally, he thought to check in Harrys room. If Harry was in there, he must be really pissed off because Louis and him always slept in the same bed. Nothing sexual happened, but they liked it better that way. Waking up next to someone was always a great way to start the day.

Louis suddenly felt a little cold. He could sense something was wrong, something was off. Paranoia taking over, he ran to Harrys room and knocked on the door.

“Harry?” He began, “Harry I’m really sorry about yesterday. I’m sorry I didn’t come home I slept at Liam’s… can I come in?” He waited for a response and sighed when he didn’t get one. “If you don’t respond to me in the next ten seconds, I’m coming in anyway.” Louis warned.

He counted to ten and reached down for the doorknob. As the door opened, he saw Harry sitting in his chair, eyes closed. For a second, Louis assumed that the reason Harry didn’t answer when he knocked was because he was sleeping. That’s when he saw all the pills scattered around Harrys desk.

“No. No. No. No. No! This can’t be happening. No. No. No. No!” Louis thought to himself.

He ran over to Harry and tried to shake him awake.

“Harry. Wake up. This isn’t funny anymore. Harry! Harry!” The older boy was screaming at the top of his lungs, but to know use. No matter what he tried, Harry wouldn’t open his eyes again. Louis collapsed to the floor in tears.

“This is my fault. I did this.” He kept saying out loud to himself.

That’s when he saw the journal sitting in Harrys lap. With his hands shaking, he took the notebook and started looking through it. He knew Harrys hand writing like the back of his hand. This is a journal. This was Harry’s journal. It probably held the reason to why Harry… did this. It probably held the reason as to why Harry would do this to himself. Why he… left.

Louis read to the journal, going over every entry two times. That’s when he came to the last entry and saw his name at the bottom of it. With a small sob, he started reading through the paragraph. Every sentence was like someone shooting him through the stomach. Every word was another knife cutting at his skin. Tears were running down his cheeks and his face was a dark shade of red. His hands were shaking and he felt like he needed to throw up. The older boy looked up at Harry’s corpse for a minute before reading the last few sentences in his journal.

“I only have one request for you; never forget about me, Louis. I don’t want you mourning for eternity or anything like that… I simply want you to remember that even when I end this all, I will always love you. Please, just remember me.”

With that, there was a little goodbye, and that was it. That was all that is left about Harry. How didn’t he know? He was Harrys best friend for fucks sake! He was supposed to know everything about him! Why didn’t he know that he cut and snorted coke and just fucking hurt himself? Not to mention the fact that he was fucking suicidal.

His Harry killed himself because he thought Louis didn’t love him back. Harry lived off the fact that knowing Louis loved him back as a friend. That was all Harry needed as a sign to stay alive. When Louis told Harry that he didn’t love him, Harry realized that there was nothing to live for.

When Louis realized that fact, that tears came flowing harder than ever before. He was sobbing and breathing heavily. Harry killed himself because Louis said he didn’t love him.

The one thing that Harry didn’t know was that Louis loved Harry, just like Harry loved Louis.

Louis Tomlinson was in love with the now dead, Harry Styles.

He let his one true love slip right out of his hands.


End file.
